I was born as a Reichstein, yes that was my last name. My biological father's family orginated from Germany or so I have been told. I was born an Alberta girl, Wainwright. First 3 months of my life, haven't been there since.
I was born into a mess. My mother was 16, my father 19. They were forced to marry. A baby didn't hold that together. In three years they were divorced. My mother is a hard case to handle. I have never met a person that was so full of hate and blame. For the next 17 years I grew up with that. Not a great environment. But we'll get into that later.
I have two half sisters and two half brothers. I grew up with one of my sisters. I have yet to personally meet my other sister and brothers. I have them on Facebook, but is isn't the same. After 30 years I came into contact with my biological father. That was a roller coaster ride in itself. Antother story in itself.
As kids we (my sister and I) moved many times, my step father was a heavy duty mechanic and my mother likes to follow the money. From the time I was just a baby, the places I lived, Fort McMurray AB, Pine Point NWT, Big River Sk, Back to Pine Point, Terrace BC, Granisle BC, Tumbler Ridge BC.
I was a somewhat troubled teen, not outright...but sneaky. I had to, I was imprisoned in my house, under close surveillance. My mother thought the world was out to harm her children. Or something along those lines.
At 13, I found love or so I thought. I do love my husband, married 13 years, together for 18. He was my ticket out of my own personal hell. My goal when I graduated high school? Was to get the hell away from my mother. Again...huge story there!
So at 17, I moved out. I became pregnant at 19, married at 23. I did complete a Teacher's Assistant Course, worked 8 years within a school district, group homes and with special needs children. It wasn't a dream. I enjoyed the fact that I was helping these wonderful children. Making the most of their lives, through teaching, loving and just letting them be them.
I didn't really discover who I was until this last year, more so, who I want to be. I was so busy struggling with inner demons, full of hate and blame, yes following the footprints of my mother. I wasn't given the chance to discover who I really was, as a child I was protected from the real world. I never learned how to cope with real life issues. I am excellent at avoiding something I am not comfortable with. As a teenager, I was allowed to join certain things, but with conditions. My mom was always coming up with reasons to ground me or keep me in the house. I think I spent 3/4 of my life grounded. She was controllling and needed the power of control. Then I moved onto depending on my husband. He controlled the money, controlled what I did, always wanted to know where I was, what I was doing, who I was with. That has changed somewhat, he still asks, but most times he gets a look or a 'it's none of your business'. But it did go on for about 7 years. Then I left. I was still weak, my mind anyhow. I felt that I couldn't accomplish anything on my own. I was so dependent! So after 6 months I came back. Back to a marriage where I wasn't trusted, I was contantly questioned. Imprisoned within my own walls again.
Nobody knows the secrets that I keep...
Fast forward 9 years. Where am I? I am here. I am creating who I am I. Who am I? I am me. I am creating a business, that with hard work and perserverance, will be successful. I admit I could have a better marriage, but it takes two to work on a successful marriage. I have two wonderful kids, a teen and a preteen...god help me! I know in my mind where I want my life to go and I may end up hurting people along the way. It could very well be selfishness, so be it. I believe everyone is entitled to their dreams, to make them come true. No one has any right getting in the way of anyones dreams and goals.
I am finding who I really am from within
I don't intend to change that for anyone. I have done that for far too long.
What I have discovered this last year is:
- speak what's on your mind.
- be who you really are, even if people don't like it.
- be opionated, have an opionion, if you don't, then know one will know what you really think.
- avoid negativity...it only brings you down.
- don't stay the way you are, because someone else is comfortable with.
- get out there, live - I am still working on that one.
- Make life happen!